OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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