I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
