In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
