he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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