I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
did you just send me my own nude
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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