I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
