1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
