Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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