I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize