mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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