I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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