I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
