dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize