my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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