It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
