Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
