Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
