Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
