At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
