1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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