i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
