God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
