I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i wish my penis had a tongue
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
