I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
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For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
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Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.