I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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