So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Randomize
