I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
