they need to just BURY HIM!
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
