My room smells like vodka and shame
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
