Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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