im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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