well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize