a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
