I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
