My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Randomize
