i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
