david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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