ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
