ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
