Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
