i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
