you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
