I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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