that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
