the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
