Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
