who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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