I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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