At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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