He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
