are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
