The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
