if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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