Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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