I accidentally had phone sex last night
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
