yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
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I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
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ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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