I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Dicks are not precious.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
