I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I supernannyed him into submission
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