Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
