Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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