Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
