I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
