so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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