I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
