Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
