He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
